I know what you’re thinking … 2 posts in the SAME week – WHAT?! And it’s a pretty long one y’all!
Today I had my second dress fitting. Can I just tell you that my dress has made me INCREDIBLY anxious throughout this process?! I never really thought I struggled with body image issues… until I got engaged. Now why is that I wonder? Why, at the the one moment in your life when an amazing man is declaring his love for you & you start planning your life together, do you start to doubt how hott you look?! Ladies it makes no sense!! HE LOVES ME. HE’S ALREADY SAID HE WANTS TO BE MY HUSBAND. So why then do I start to work-out non-stop, count points & calories & just really focus on my body? When I started thinking it was all about ME, that’s when. When I lost sight of the entire point of the wedding, of why we’re getting married, and of my completely perfect dress. As I did a little soul-searching, here’s what I concluded:
After we got engaged I was BEYOND excited to try on dresses. Of course I had an idea of what I wanted and I couldn’t WAIT to try on those pretty white gowns. I had so much fun shopping; I adored trying on gowns of all styles and fabrics and finally finding “the one”. Now, I’m about to say something that might not make a lot of sense but try to stay with me…
“My” dress is “my” dress because of Matt.
When I lost sight of the entire PURPOSE of the dress, I lost sight of who I was IN the dress. I started freaking out about a little arm fat here, or back fat here… I forgot about WHY I was wearing it in the first place and WHO I was wearing it for.
Let me explain:
“My” dress was the eighth (or ninth?) dress I tried on but it was the first dress that actually made me FEEL like a bride. Although I loved other elements of previous dresses, this dress was… well, it was a FEELING I can’t describe. Because I’m emotionally driven, I knew I needed a feeling to know if a dress was “my” dress. As excited I was to try on dresses, I was incredibly nervous about it because Matt and I have VERY different taste. I like things with a little “wow”, a little “pop”, a little “fun”… and he’s more classic, traditional, timeless movie. I went into the shopping process thinking ruffles, sparkle, a modern-high-fashion-meets- southern-belle-look – even though Matt would have been completely content with a simple satin a-line. 2 peas in a pod right?! 🙂
“My” dress… well this dress has it all. No, I don’t mean it has all the details listed above – it had MORE. It had that FEELING. I feel like a woman, HIS woman, when I put it on. I feel like a little girl all grown up, a princess meets timeless romance. I feel like HIS bride. It’s the absolute PERFECT combination of Matt and I – for me, that’s so symbolic for our marriage!!! In less than 2 months, everything I do will have him attached to it. MY life is no longer mine – it’s OURS. I belong to HIM – I AM HIS, forever.
Take a minute to let that sink in will ya? That’s SO amazing y’all!! God designed our union to glorify HIM in all ways possible. In order to do that, we have to completely rely on God and fulfill our roles as husband & wife. It doesn’t make me any better or any worse than him, God has just defined different roles to make marriage work. That’s what I feel like my dress means… it’s the beautiful, material object that reminds me of who I am when I’m with him and how I want us to be together.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I were marrying anyone else in the whole world, “my” dress wouldn’t fit because “my” dress is really “our” dress. It’s a perfect mixture of who he is in me, what he brings out in me and what I hope to be as a wife to him. I know, I know, I’m incredibly sentimental and emotional about it (haha) but it’s how I feel!! Side note: I’m not saying every girl feels this way!!! Some girls just have a calming realization that “their” dress is, in fact “their’s” and that’s totally fine!! I’m just an emotional girl so it sort of makes sense for me to overanalyze my dress experience!
When I put my dress on today (after a few embarrassing tears were shed about some silly body image issues – GET OVER IT KATHERINE!!), I was looking at myself in the mirror thinking how unbelievably PERFECT my dress is for Matt, for me, for 072013 and for the start of our life together. Who cares if my body isn’t completely toned and sculpted like a VS model! When will it ever be?! As I stood in front of her mirror I could fee the Holy Spirit changing my way of thinking… reminding me that “my” dress is “our” dress and that that man adores me, which is why he chose ME to be his wife, and not some other girl. And that’s why I chose THIS dress, “our” dress, to be “my” dress – because no other dress would so perfectly define who we are but this one. I’ll be a bride, HIS bride, in a stunning white dress that could only and will only ever make me think of him. I’d say that means I found “the one” huh? Both in man & in gown 🙂